In a thousand years, archaeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.

˙ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ pǝsn ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʇ ןןǝʍ

There's more than one way to skin a cat, but people usually freak out and call the cops before you're done with the first.

Ladies, you can cut the crap. When you take a tiny nibble out of that piece of chocolate and then put it back in the box we know that as soon as we're not looking you are gonna gobble it up along with 6 more faster than a cat can lick his butt.

Tomorrow is Thursday, cruciferous vegetable day. Just so you know, Friday would not be a good time to visit.

Maybe, just maybe the guy that was in charge of designing the Mayan calendar just died when he got to December 2012 and nobody else felt like continuing it because they were like, "why the heck were we planning that far ahead anyway?"

Wrapping presents when O.C.D. kicks in....endless.