I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they're and their. From now on I'm going to point it out, weather they like it or not.

Do the Chinese realize that when they visit America, they buy souvenirs made in their own country?

I just saw an add for the Beloit Memorial Hospital. Why do hospitals need to advertise? It's not like I'm going to go to Home Depot instead.

It all makes sense now. Pot and gay marriage legalized in the same day. (Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lays with another man, he should be stoned.") Well. I guess we've just been misinterpreting it all these years...

Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they're stabbing it? No? How about now?

They say after a plane crash they can identify you by your dental records. What I'm wondering is how they know who your dentist is.

A hundred years from now, people will wonder why so many photos of their ancestors involve the subject standing in the bathroom holding a thin rectangular device at shoulder level.

I just watched my neighbor's dog chase its tail for 10 minutes and I thought to myself, "Wow dogs are easily entertained" Then I realized, I just watched my neighbor's dog chase its tail for 10 minutes...

Everybody says that you should say no to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late.

Friendly reminder that the Mayan calendar ends on Friday. If you have any Mayan friends, a new calendar would make a great Christmas gift.

For most people, when you lose your "khakis" you've lost your pants. When you're from Boston and lose your "khakis" you can't start your car.

Well, this is awkward..." - the Mayans. 12-22-12

Did you know you can't hum while holding your nose? I bet you're trying it right now.

Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger, with something stuck in my eye, and wearing dirty underwear.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by idiots.

It's that time of year again when commercials remind me that I will never get a car with a bow on it.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and always give the wrong answers.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for those people who like country music, denigrate means "put down".

I'm out of ice cream. Looks like the Mayans were right.

They forgot to mention they were all members of one of those doomsday cults.

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2012/12/17/mystery-mass-squid-uicides-possibly-solved/?intcmp=trending

I'm out of ice cream. Looks like the Mayans were right.

I haven't been in a relationship for so long, Facebook just asked if I am okay.

Part of my New Year's resolution is to take care of neglected children.. starting with my 2... oh wait, 3.

 In a thousand years, archaeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.

˙ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ pǝsn ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʇ ןןǝʍ

There's more than one way to skin a cat, but people usually freak out and call the cops before you're done with the first.

Ladies, you can cut the crap. When you take a tiny nibble out of that piece of chocolate and then put it back in the box we know that as soon as we're not looking you are gonna gobble it up along with 6 more faster than a cat can lick his butt.

Tomorrow is Thursday, cruciferous vegetable day. Just so you know, Friday would not be a good time to visit.

Maybe, just maybe the guy that was in charge of designing the Mayan calendar just died when he got to December 2012 and nobody else felt like continuing it because they were like, "why the heck were we planning that far ahead anyway?"

Wrapping presents when O.C.D. kicks in....endless.