Date

I'm guessing my comment, "It's not hotter this year. It's just that you have a lot more surface area for the sun to hit", was probably not the correct thing to say during small talk on the first date? No wonder I'm alone.

DNA

My son (he might actually remember this) asked "What runs in our family?" The only thing I could think of was "mental illness".

Cats

What is wrong with people now days! I just heard on the scanner a call that someone is putting a cat in a fire pit! Don't they know that a cat should be butterflied and placed on a grill to seal in the flavor? It's like living in the dark ages in Beloit at times!

A Wise man

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

Spider

Want to see me spazz like someone with epilepsy? Lock me in a car with a spider.
Hey ladies, if you are looking for a tough, manly boyfriend, then that DEFINITELY wasn't me that ran screaming down the hall when I walked into that spider web.

Sea World

I remember while living in Florida, one day I walked in to Sea World with a fishing pole...they were NOT amused. (true story)

Facebook

You know what I think? Unlikely, but I think that Facebook is "Hotel California". You can checkout any time, but you can never leave....