Safety Quiz

I failed a safety quiz at work yesterday. The question was "What steps would you take if there was a fire?" Apparently, "Damn big ones" was the wrong answer.

Last Laugh

When I die and am placed in my urn, I want the lid to be spring loaded and the urn topped off with several of those cloth covered springy tubes. All different colors. That way, when they sprinkle my dust in the Atlantic they will remember that Dad always got the last laugh.

Poor Robin

A robin just flew into the glass of my patio door. I thought he was a dead, but when I opened the door to check on him, he got up and shook it off and flew away. He must have been really embarrassed.

Our lot in life

Sometimes a man has to do what man has to do. Rarely he has to do what a tiger would have to do. Sometimes he has to do what a woman would have to do. And other times, he has to do the work of a salamander.

My New Smart Phone

I'm feeling pretty clever right now. You know that new smart phone I bought? I made my emergency contact number "911".
One thing I don't like about these smart phones. Why is that that every time I put someones number into it, it's lost forever and has morphed into a name? I'll never be able to memorize numbers this way!
So I turned my phone onto “airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Today I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?" 12 people called me...I need smarter friends.

Nice try

Oh, and for all those people out there that want me to be your friend and you have a picture of your car as a profile doesn't make me think you have a cool car, it just makes me know you hate your face.

Bottled Water

Okay, I have a question. I always buy "Ice Mountain" bottled water from Woodmans. I just want to know why water, that has trickled down from mountains for centuries, has a "best by date"?